By Luke Lavender
Clearly this is not going be an enterprising, Panama-paper-esque ground-breaking story.
This is written to give perspective. That behind all the fury, flurry and fighting there is a bit of human in everyone. I am of course talking about our politicians and their following furry compadres.
I’m sure many of us have our ears drowned in political white noise. The big B of beagle coming up, again and again, thanks to MP for Crawley, Henry Smith. Or be it the continuous drone about Econo- I mean El Gato, Labour Leader, Jeremy Corbyns cat – note to some, ‘El gato’ means ‘cat’ – tells you something about imagination. I’m sure the words ‘lost’ have rattled around the corridors for many of you, lost jobs, lost future, lost government, but I doubt many are away of Lola, that is George Osborne’s fluff-ball of a ‘bichon Frise’ a sort of toy dog. At least we can say his dog was modelled on his attitude towards a political career.
Now, now, now, when will this animal naming end, soon don’t you worry. This is just a little glimpse into the lives of politicians that we don’t get to see, for better or worse – Ken Livingstone’s mother was fearful over his avid interest in reptiles when he was younger. This is not a random point to infer politicians are cold-blooded, reptilian-like creatures. Many of them sadly or fortunately are warm-blooded and like their companions have too much energy for their own good (or ours).
This is to point to the hidden and often forgotten humanity and commonality that our politicians have, they’re not all just mechanical beings guzzling away our time and money. What about the ‘Maybot’ you ask? Well, I wouldn’t want you to slander Larry the cat my friends, the in-house pet of no.10. We all need to consider the smaller things in life, even if that involves looking to small balls of fur during a crisis, be it personal, or political.
So, don’t disassociate politicians as these villains and scoundrels with no soul, we all have needs and wants, and many of us do have pets. Now don’t start accusing me of missing the big issues, because we all know there are many. Trust me I’m more fearful of Brexit and international disasters than I am of the idea that politicians do have humanity. But that does not mean we need to forget that politicians have humanity, a private life and are at the very basic level a human. Always look to the positives, no matter how small they may be, if we didn’t we may not even notice that fiscal Phillip Hammond has a soft side to him, namely his Welsh terrier ‘Rex’ and his dachshund ‘Oscar’ – even fiscal Phil needs fun.
Now before I leave you with more important matters, this doesn’t mean I am not worried about the future of UK politics. I am referring of course to Cronus, that is, the tarantula who has been put in charge of running Gavin Williamson, and then the Defence Department. Let’s be frank, there are limits to everything, and a spider controlling military weapons and defence is not my idea of helpful, be the Spider a human or tarantula.