Where are my burgers?

Tom Murray-Richards


Burgers PhotoCYMK
photo: Daniel Wilcox

Summer is drawing to a close, winter is coming fast and deadlines are kicking off again, in the merciless unavoidable way they always seem to. But amongst all of this, there has been a terrible loss to anyone who is a student at the Penryn campus. Our burgers have been cruelly taken away, replaced by an Asian food counter. I like that, but I miss my lunchtime burger. Now, like so many others, I am left seriously considering a lunchtime trip to Maccies in order to satisfy my craving for slightly dodgy beef, or some chicken in its glorious bread-crumby goodness. Is it too much to ask for?

Think of the freshers, who will never get the opportunity to sample the Stannary’s best efforts to replicate the burger industry’s finest.  As a third year, I have had two whole years of waltzing into the Stannary, telling myself I’m going to eat a salad or a jacket potato, and coming out with a burger every time. The sense of initial disappointment was always remedied by the first bite. This year I have been eating jacket potatoes. As anyone who knows me will testify, this is very strange behaviour. They aren’t awful, but they aren’t burgers, and the first years are doomed to healthy food for three years. Jamie Oliver is the root of this, I tell you!

I have even considered bringing in a packed lunch to uni. A packed lunch! Getting up slightly earlier to make a sandwich! For the first couple of weeks I went in full of optimism, hoping there had been some kind of horrendous mistake, and that soon the celebrated burgers would return to our canteen, but apparently we are all doomed to eat salad from now on. Healthy students are happier students, you can hear them saying. Healthy students learn better, healthy students stay awake longer. I don’t want to be healthy yet. I have years of midde age ahead of me, ample time to go on yoyo diets and promise people that my spinach and banana smoothie is actually very tasty, thank you, despite it churning my insides with every mouthful. All I ask is that I am allowed, for one last year, to have beef and breadcrumby chicken. Please.