Upon being asked for a review of the summer film “Jurassic World”, I decided to dispense with the usual journalistic considerations of plot, characterisation and general quality, instead focusing a few issues that particularly bugged me about this largely enjoyable film.
Now before I begin, I must say that I thought “Jurassic World” was an enjoyable, well-executed action film. What with explosions, crashing helicopters and giant dinosaurs, one certainly got a lot for one’s money. Even better, the film played homage to the more auspicious aspects of the previous films, while tacitly overlooking the bits that we’d all perhaps rather forget (Fortunately the Tyrannosaur loose in San Diego from Jurassic Park 2 is swept under the carpet) That said, there were also a few elements that came across as decidedly peculiar.
First of all, the costumes were at times utterly ludicrous. It was only when park manager Claire showed up to shoot a flying beastie straight in the face that I noticed that she had been wearing high heels for the entire film. Now I’m sorry, but that is just ridiculous. The concept of a hybrid dinosaur pursuing a theme park manager seems relatively plausible next to the concept of a hybrid dinosaur pursuing a theme park manger who is wearing high heels. Couldn’t she have stopped somewhere to change her shoes at some point? It’s hard to look glamorous when you’re being eaten by a dinosaur regardless of footwear, so why take the risk? I was also upset by the lack of fashionable headwear, considering the fact that Warden Muldoon’s safari hat was amongst my favourite elements from “Jurassic Park”. I’d rather have a stylish hat than a potentially savage dinosaur any day.
Another question that bugged me throughout the screening was about InGen, the evil company at the heart of the franchise. Why does this company insist upon fulfilling the role of both genetic research specialist and private military corporation? It seems like a jarring combination. Imagine if someone on “Dragon’s Den” said “My idea is for a criminally negligent genetics company/PMC and I need £2,000,000 to hire people to mop up all the blood” – That’s an “I’m out” moment. If you went onto “The Apprentice” with an idea like that, Lord Sugar would rip you into more pieces than a velociraptor would.
I was also a bit disappointed by the lukewarm happy ending. I was convinced that Claire, as manager of the theme parks operations, would be arrested for criminal negligence in allowing a dinosaur to slaughter hundreds of innocent people. I’m not sure she’d even mind going to prison as long as she was allowed to keep her high heels.
Regardless of all this, my curmudgeonly grievances fade into the background, as “Jurassic World” has now made more money than an actual theme park full of dinosaurs would have made, and is generally an enjoyable, explosively exciting experience. Dino-mite, one might say.