The ASDA Experience

Jack Hope, Online Opinions Editor, looks at a rite of passage explored by all Falmouth University and University of Exeter (Penryn) students, ASDA.

Illustration: Laura Bridges


 

At one point or another everyone seems to have an ‘ASDA experience’. I have these on a regular basis. I wondered if others have had a similar experience to my flat; it’d be interesting if others differed. On a side note, I’m currently at the ‘waiting for delivery’ stage as I write this.

Firstly, one encounters that sinking feeling when there’s a lack of food vs a lack of money and is faced with posing the age old student question, ‘do I really need to eat this week?’

Next you must find someone to collaborate with, to reach the £25 limit with. Once achieved, the foray through the millions of food tabs begins and you ask yourself whether you actually need that cake; the answer, of course, is always yes.

Once completing your quest for food, the sad realisation hits you that 3 times the weekly budget has been spent and items, such as cake, have to be removed. Upon reaching a disappointing yet agreeable amount of food and cost, one must fight for ‘prime time’ delivery slot; usually 1-3. This time slot is neither too early to disturb your carefully curated midnight- midday student sleeping pattern, however, not too late to inconvenience lunch.

Next is the dreaded, ‘have you forgotten’ section. It appears so helpful and innocent – this is a lie. It shames you into wild impulse purchasing, with all thought of a budget forgotten; there’s always enough for a bottle of vodka, even though, deep down, you know there isn’t. After confirming your order several times, one eagerly awaits.

Finally the delivery (usually next day) arrives and you are awoken at 10 am by your phone ringing, it is at this moment you realise that your booked time of 4-6 is a distant dream; you and others must now get up and commence the ‘PJ’s/clothes found on the floor run’.

Upon collecting the order and making it back to the kitchen, it is now time to experience the most exciting part of the order; the gamble if you received the items ordered. One might experience elation due to being substituted something more expensive, and therefore beating the system, or the crushing disappointment when you’re ‘cheated’ into less expensive produce; lastly, the most dangerous emotion, the blind anger when items just aren’t even there – it really is an emotional roller coaster.

Finally, once everything has been sorted and packed away, you realise that nothing needed was actually ordered. Disaster.

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