It’s safe to say we need a new approach to politics, from both the electorate and the politicians. Virtually the exact same line up of ex-public schoolboys are trotted out every five years, to an electorate half of whom are bored, dissatisfied and frankly fed up with having the same faces burning our retinas every single day and the other half of whom are obsessive canvassers, anti-immigration fanatics or pre-teens. The politicians need a new way of engaging with the masses, other than ‘Desert Island Discs’, and we need a new generation of politicians we might actually not mind engaging with.
Despite the fact he was actually educated at a public school, Farage did as everyone else does and moaned about the poor representation of regular people in political power and the disproportionate representation of people with voices so posh/nasal/Australian, that it requires speech therapy for them to be understood. Farage went for the “I’m just a normal, local bloke who enjoys a pint like everybody else” approach, a line of attack which seemed to work, UKIP support increased and they managed to win their first seat, even if it wasn’t the landslide victory that Farage hoped for and that the SNP enjoyed.
With three new positions to fill, however, what about a more revolutionary approach to conventional politics, than merely whining about the competition and perhaps some slightly more unorthodox leaders? With five years to go until the next time we’ll enjoy the pleasure of the leaders touring the country, could the campaigns be more successful if “party bus” took on a more literal sense?
Perhaps Nick Clegg could go out drinking with some of the students of his Sheffield Hallam constituency, depending on his proficiency at beer pong; such an approach might encourage more than 58% of 18-25 year olds to participate in politics. Besides, what drastically alternative method have the Lib Dems got that’s going to be so much better instead, it’s not like they have another 49 seats to lose. How about a Miliband club appearance, Kardashians in Vegas style? There can’t be much of a knack to hosting a club event, other than the ability to take selfies with members of the hoi polloi, which shockingly Ed has become quite expert at in this campaign, thanks to the questionable genius of the “Milifandom”.
Alternatively, instead of making the existing pawns of the political machine go to ridiculous lengths for the entertainment and bemusement of the nation, we could just get the seasoned professionals in. Clarkson, Hammond and May would fit in well enough with the rest of Westminster, they are; white, male and already fairly wealthy after all – and not to mention currently out of employment.
Experts on the ability to make what is normally a pretty mundane subject an area of avid fascination and with a comparable record for diplomacy to most of our existing government, I don’t see how they haven’t taken a stab at politics before. Even if they weren’t so keen on the prospect, I’m pretty sure they could just boycott campaigning altogether, and despite the fact a certain one of them has the same effect on public opinion as marmite, might still collect enough votes to cobble together some sort of majority coalition.
The election of at least one of these unlikely ‘ménage à trois’ is as likely a possibility as anyone else. If anything, this election has showed that politics is pretty much anyone’s game, as very few anticipated a Conservative majority would be a reality. Although, instead of the ridiculous, maybe it’s time for people who more resemble reality to have a bigger role in politics. There are three new opposition party leaders to find and perhaps the job centre might be a good place to start looking, especially as nothing says “I’m just like everybody else” and “I hate the Tories” as being stood in the unemployment line.